I am not good at keeping up with posting so I am going to skip ahead to MAY 2019!!
Here’s me on Mother’s Day May 12th! We were doing an event at the cemetery for the ppl coming to visit their moms and mom’s coming to visit their children. We handed out mini apple pies and did a balloon release. Little did I know I was expecting here!
On May 15th, I accepted a job opportunity at the funeral home. They asked me to be manager and I decided "why not! I cant put my life on hold forever?!?" Here’s the night of may 15 texting my best friends asking who is gonna carry my child because I didn’t think it was gonna happen for me!
Little did I know, God was about to shake my reality! The VERY next morning, May 16..I woke up and remembered I had forgotten to take a pregnancy test the day before. I have never ever done that since we started trying!! I know exactly what day to test and I am always counting down. So like routine I woke up and started getting for work, I took a pregnancy test and fully expecting it to be negative I sat it down and walked away. I reached to grab my hair brush and happened to glance at it out of the corner of my eyes and there it was....a faint pink line. TWO OF THEM!!! I couldn't believe it I just kept staring at it in disbelief. I initially thought "OH GOD!!! I'm really pregnant!!!" & then came the tears! I didn't know what to do this was not part of my plan!
Thankfully Dane had worked nights and was home in bed that morning for all of twenty minutes before I bust in butt naked blubbering! LOL He didn't even know what I was saying until he felt the stick in my hand. We celebrated as much as we could before I had to actually leave for work. Dane was in shock. But who am I kidding so was I.
We agreed not to tell anyone until later. Butttttt I was too excited! So I facetimed my two cousins Brittni and Naomi over and over! They would not answer their darn phones. Finally Brittni called me back and said "Morning Glory!" and I said "Morning Glory I'M PREGNANT!" The words had to be forced out of my mouth because I didn't believe what I was saying.
Next I was texting one of my best friends Brianna..she was being indecisive about hanging out that night and didn't know if she could (which is unlike her) so I knew I couldn't wait especially after she told me I was being weird. So I facetimed her...I had the camera set on the positive pregnancy test when she answered, mind you its like 7:00 AM she answered still in bed and said "What is that? Wait what am I looking at?!?!?" We both started crying!! The ugly kind of cry!
Then I knew I had to tell my other best friends so I put it in the group chat since I was already at work! Morgan facetimed me crying while I was at work I had to answer it with my finger over my mouth and sneak to the bathroom because I knew we would start squealing!!
&then Naomi facetimed me back, I think she suspected because it was abnormal for me to facetime her 23 times at 7 AM lol
I decided to leave work early and get in the Dr for bloodwork, and Dane called in sick so he could come with me! We were so excited.
The next day I got my results from the Dr. and my HCG level was very low...a 21. They expected it to be 1,000 at least. This TERRIFIED ME. I rushed home from a training I was in ripped into my mother in laws driveway because Dane was there and barely made it to my mother in laws room I was sobbing. She thought somebody had died and had no idea I was even pregnant. So in panic mode I ruined the surprise, we googled HCG and read that every woman was different and it mattered more that my level double every 2-3 days, not how high it was initially. So I calmed down, and went back for repeat bloodwork the next day. This was also my moms birthday weekend and I wanted to tell her I was pregnant with a birthday gift, and to be excited and get my mind off of the "what ifs". I've always loved Winnie the Pooh and of course I've had this planned FOREVER. So me and best friends Morgan and Brianna got together while Bri made a onesie for my mom that said "There's a rumbly in my mommy's tumbly!" with some bumble bees and sparkly yellow letters. We all cried the whole time we were making it because we couldn't believe the day had come.
Next stop because I literally COULD NOT wait any longer, was my moms! I was soooo nervous. I pulled off walking in with a gift because my moms birthday was Sunday and this was a Friday. She said she wanted to stay in bed all day on her bday so I reminded her of that and gave her the gift early! I had to get my Nana and Uncles Leslie in the same room though. Nana was easy she always watches open gifts but Uncle Les would be tricky because he likes to hang in his man cave. I told him it was gonna be funny and I wanted him to see. My mom was wondering why she had to wait for him
I must have watched this video a million times that night with so much joy and so many tears. I mentioned to them that my levels were off but they all reassured me that this is the miracle we've been praying for and everything was going to be perfect. I went and got my levels tested the following Monday because the OB forgot to call in my orders ( I was HOT) and then the office was closed Saturday. So they had my orders rushed for same day on Monday! I was more anxious than I have ever been to find out if my baby was okay. I just went to the pier and prayed my heart out that Gods will be done and I knew it was out of my hands but I believed and trusted in God, that no matter what the numbers were it was HIS plan HIS timing. I just had to be "still".
No bump! I was just super proud.
Moments later I finally got the call! My HCG was 29!!! It did not double, but it didn't go down! I was soooo pleased with this. Yet so worried. I knew what it was like to love something more than myself in this moment. It was different than any worry I had ever felt. It was an overwhelming love. That feeling of overwhelming love brought me closer to God because I realized how he loves me.
I called to spread the news, and we all rejoiced that I still had my baby, even if the baby was being stubborn! My progesterone was also low, a 12. So they prescribed 200 mg capsules to take at bedtime. I was annoyed at that because I had taken progesterone to try and get pregnant, I knew I would be weepy. But it didn't matter I would do anything.
I prayed when I opened my bible that night that God would speak to me. I found this scripture that said " You have feared continually every day" I knew God had answered my prayer, and was speaking to me.
I took as many pictures as I could because I was not taking this pregnancy for granted. < 3
The same night I took my 5 week picture, I started having mild cramping. I tried not to worry because I knew it was normal to have implantation cramping. But when I went to take a bath and noticed bleeding, I immediately called my OB on call...she said to come in to TX Women's hospital because she knew I wouldn't be able to sleep after this. So I called my mom and my mother in law who loaded up and took me in. I let Dane know on the way, I felt bad to worry him when I knew he was at work and couldn't be with me. On the car ride there, I knew I was losing my baby. I didn't speak it, but God spoke it to me. I had a weird calming peace, that kept me sane while we were waiting for the Dr to tell me what I already knew.
The Dr confirmed that my HCG level had already dropped to a 7. A normal non pregnant woman has an HCG level of 5. I was devastated, I fought back the tears. The bad kind where your head is throbbing and your throat aches. I couldn't look him in the eyes. I couldn't look at my mom because I knew I would cry if I did. I just wanted to go home and be with Dane. I tried to be positive and strong. I didn't want for everyone to think I was fragile or delicate. I felt like I needed to be strong for them, and show them that I was really going to be okay. That I believed Gods promises and I was standing strong in His word. The next morning I woke up feeling more vulnerable, fragile, delicate, heartbroken, devastated than I had ever felt in my entire life. I couldn't breathe deep enough to get through the pain. I didn't understand WHY. I was not the same strong spirited, faith filled girl that left the hospital the night before.
This is their sweet family!
