Asking for prayers. I’m pretty discouraged because I took Carolina for her follow up this afternoon and was hoping they would dismiss it and say she was fine and we could put this behind us. Instead they told me to continue watching for wheezing/coughing. Of course we get home I am in the kitchen making lunch and hear Carolina start coughing so I RUN and hurdle our baby gate to check on her because I have ptsd from her choking and she’s fine but continued coughing. Please pray for NO coughing and NO wheezing! God told me when I was pregnant and scared to death of miscarrying again that she was mine to keep so I’m trying to cling to those words but my anxiety is through the roof even though I know my anxiety doesn’t come from God.

This is why I LOVE her pedi!! Over 45 minutes on the phone with her pedi helping clarify all of my concerns and what kind of cough is worrisome and what kind is productive and actually protecting her. The aspiration in her lungs was just a little and THANKFULLY she had not eaten food so it was just breast milk which will NOT cause infection / pneumonia!! She said if she had to guess if they did another chest X-ray today they wouldn’t see anything. With tears rolling down my cheeks the triage nurse educated me, she OVER explained and used a Dr Pepper metaphor, she comforted me and most importantly she VALIDATED my anxiety. She told me I am not crazy or over dramatic “because it’s my first baby”....this woman saw my fears she heard my concerns and she validated my feelings. My baby could have DIED. My life could have shattered. I may have been paralyzed with fear but God helped me pick up the phone and remember the number for 911 because in that moment I knew NOTHING I was straight fearful. I don’t know how long it will take for me to not hover over my daughter but I know it was a life altering experience and me and her are being equally clingy. My whole heart is crawling around learning to stand and walk and do all the things outside of my body. Learning to be independent is going to call for some bumps and bruises but I will be hovering right there to kiss them all away and prevent as many as I can because MY WHOLE HEART is learning to live outside of my body. ♥️